Saturday, February 20, 2010


I am furious. All of a sudden it came clear. I started yelling at my ceiling. But really the sky. Really at God. Yelling this: Why did YOU make me broken?

Because that is what he did. He made me wrong. He made me broken. He made my brain incorrectly.

So I yelled. I mean I can be rational. I can think of all the things that are sad in the world. All the injustices. And those ran through as well. I thought of how selfish I am being, being so mad about myself and my broken brain - and then I was so upset at God for letting all those things happen.

And then I just gave up. I need passion steered towards productivity. My deadlines are looming! But I just can't get to them.

I just keep feeling so broken.