Aa chip on my should is not okay. Being mean to friends is not okay. I struggle sometimes with embracing the reality that there are HUGE triggers in my life and that it is the process of how I respond more than the feeling beneath that matters. I need to process and settle the thoughts and feelings I have.
Doesn't it say somewhere about being slow to speak? Like I should think first or something?
I need to do this. So badly. I have become a cannon of reactivity. This is not the person I desire to be. I am okay with messy but not mean. My roots run deep by they are not made with spikes - I put those there.
So humility has come my way. It took an ativan and an hour of therapy, a conversation with both my mother and sister to truly calm me down.
Now I have sought redemption and forgiveness. Now I have let myself remember why I do the things I do, feel the things I feel and why I want to be in this field. Pain can equal progress.
This sounds illogical I realize, or random at least. But in my head and heart it makes sense.